Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Deja vu

I was 14 years old when I was first institutionalized. I had no way of knowing that five years of my life would be lost behind those doors, and in an instant, my entire future was forfeit. Now, I'm sitting here at my computer because my daughter is being institutionalized today. She's fourteen. She was already on the way when I spoke to her, and it felt like deja vu. I told her I loved her, and I gave her the only advice I could... Don't fight them. It will be worse if you do. Be amiable. Play the part they want you to play long enough to get out. And I feel just like that fourteen year old again, standing naked in the center of a crowded room, while the staff members make accusations and laugh at my expense and strip me of everything I believed about myself, and I want to kick and claw and refuse. I want to protect myself, and now, I sit here wanting to protect her, but I can't.

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